Troubled Feelings
by LLamperouge
Summary: Levi x Mikasa/ Jean x Mikasa/ Falling for a friend is difficult especially if he/she sees you nothing as more than a friend.
1. First Guy Friend

"Boys, move five steps to your left. You have 5 minutes to talk with your last partner!"

Since the start of the event, I have been taking notice to this boy. And now that he is right in front of me, I must give it a shot. _This must be fate_, I said so to myself.

He held out his hand. "Yo, I'm Levi, and you are?"

I reached my hand unto his, "Mikasa. Nice to meet you."

And from this moment on, everything about my life has changed.

* * *

By the time I got home, I texted him. I was the one making the first move in our conversations and after a week, it was the first time he actually talked to me first.

We don't study in the same high school, in fact the event where I met him is called "interaction." It is when a class from an all-boys school and an all-girls' school with the same batch will be meeting.

By the time I took notice of him, he was actually quiet, mysterious and with a dark aura but a cool guy. But by the time we actually became close, he was a gentleman, protective, sincere and straightforward kind of person. He rants to me all of his problems and we are really open to each other. We even say our most embarrassing experiences when we were still a child. And there was not a thing that we are awkward talking about.

Me: You're very in love with your guitar. Why don't you make her your wife.

Levi: That would be boring…

Me: Boring Why…

Levi: There's no sex, you know. Hahaha!

When I get married, it is impossible to not have sex with my future wife.

Me: Seriously? What if she wants to do it everyday?

Levi: Fine, then. It's okay with me but… I have a low stamina so… I don't think I could survive if its… everyday…

We just laugh all day at our conversations. We always talk with each other everyday, non-stop. The least time we have talked was only 7 hours and at most was 17 hours. Because of him, I learned to use my phone while I'm taking a bath. I learned to be more bad kind of a girl. I learned how to sleep in the morning and be wide awake at night. Because of him, I have changed. As days passed by, my feelings got stronger and deeper and I found a chance that I could tell it to him.

We were role playing as a "family." He is my awesome dad and I am his daughter.

Levi: You should be thankful that I am an awesome father, you know. If I weren't, then you wouldn't be an awesome daughter.

Me: I thank you for having your awesome genes.

Levi: But you aren't as awesome as me.

Me: Yes, 'cuz I am awesome-er than you. Hahaha!

Levi: Stop lying to yourself.

Me: Sorry. I love you, daddy!

Levi: I love you too my awesome daughter! And together, we shall conquer this world! Muhahaha!

I paused. _He actually said, I love you to me…_

Me: Can I say something?

Levi: What is it?

Me: I'm not sure if I should though…

Levi: Say it. You should take risk or else nothing will happen.

Me: but I think it would risk our friendship…

Levi: Just go ahead.

_Should I really…? _I found my courage to say it to him..._  
_

Me: I like you…

Levi: Actually… I already thought of the possibility that you like me but despite of it, I still talk to you about the girl from your class that I like.

Me: No, it's okay… You can always rant to me your problems

Levi: It's never okay…

Me: Yeah… but really, it's fine.

Levi: But hey, I admire that you are a strong girl and if you continue being like that, I might fall for you.

_Those words gave me courage to not stop my feelings towards Levi. After what I have said, we continued to our usual conversations._

* * *

**One week later**

Levi: Can we talk about something?

Me: Yeah sure

Levi: Mikasa, I'm really sorry. But I only see you as a friend. _You're a friend and that's it._ There are many guys out there, not just me. I'm really sorry.

Me: It's okay. I have been expecting that it would be like this anyway. But, we're still friends, right?

Levi: Yeah. I'm so sorry again.

We talked as if nothing has happened. _Like it wasn't a big deal for me. Like my feelings doesn't matter anymore. What matters or me the most is our friendship._

* * *

A/N: Please leave a review


	2. What Love Is

Days have passed since we had that conversation. Everything was normal after that. But the good thing about it was, _our friendship got better and stronger_. We started to reveal our darkest secrets to each other. And trust became more valuable to us.

We started to make phone calls. Since my parents forbid me to talk to a guy my whole life, we called each other at night wherein they are asleep. We start our calls at 10 pm or 9 pm and usually end it at 2 am or at most, 4 am. We sing together in our phone calls. While he is playing with his electric guitar, I play my piano. And sometimes, when we both know the song, we make a duet. We even listened together some classical music.

Levi: Hey do you know the shuffle game?

Me: No what is it?

Levi: Ask a question but don't say it to me and I'm going to shuffle my iTunes music, and whatever song title it is, that will be the answer.

Me: Okay game.

_Would you be able to like me? _I thought.

Levi: Do you have something in mind already?

Me: Yeah.

Levi: Okay wait…. There was a short pause.

Me: So what is the answer?

Levi: You will be mine.

My heart pounded. I smiled from ear to ear. _I really hope so._

Levi: What was your question?

Me: Uh… Will I be able to get in my dream college…

Levi: Hahaha! The answer is so far.

* * *

We had more heart to heart talks. And like the usual, he always rants to me, another girl he likes from my class. So he already liked two girls, and I wasn't one of them. The first one he liked was Hanji. From the way he talks to me about her, I can tell that he is serious about her. Hanji actually felt the same way so they had a mutual understanding. But the problem is, Hanji said to him that she was not ready for serious things so they stayed like that.

I really hate Hanji. There was an instance that I caught her saying bad things to her friends about Levi.

Hanji's friend: What if Levi watch the musical play later here in school?

Hanji: Tch. Then he'll watch. I don't care.

I felt more bitter about it than Levi did. He is such a good guy, he doesn't have to be treated that way.

Levi: Hey

Me: Yeah? Something the matter?

Levi: I'm giving up on Hanji

Me: Well that's good because she is not worth it for you.

Levi: We met up and I tried fixing things between us, but she wasted that chance. I said to her to meet me up outside your school gates. She did come but she was with her friends and there were 3 of them and I came alone. As we walked, she was by my side but she never gave me the chance to talk about what was going on between me and her. She took 4 hours of my time and yet…

_Why can't it be me… Can't you see that I have been trying hard…_

Whenever we talk about his love life, I don't really know what to feel. _Maybe I'm used to being hurt,_ I thought.

When things ended between Levi and Hanji, I thought that it will be a good chance that he would fall for me. _But after two weeks…_

Levi: Can I tell you something really weird?

Me: Go ahead

Levi: I think I like someone…

_I wish it was me._

Me: That fast? Who is it?

Levi: It's Petra… we just had skype earlier. And we actually said our goodbyes just 3 hours ago…

I looked at the wall clock.

Me: just this 5 am in the morning?

Levi: Yeah and I can't actually sleep very well… I really like how she says my name…

I sighed.

_It looks like he won't ever fall for me… But giving up is never an option for me. But I'll try my very best. For him to feel what I feel towards him. Whatever makes him happy, I will be happy. Even if it means hurting me. _

**_That is what love is, right?_**

* * *

_A/N: Please leave a review! :) Thank you very much. (I can hear my heart breaking, my goodness.)_


	3. Hopes

It was summer when Petra and Levi became close. But nothing seemed to change between us. And just like usual, whenever things go wrong between them, he goes to me. Of course I'll help him. I set aside my feelings and help him on his problems with Petra since I want him happy and I know, she makes him happy.

Petra and I became close because of Levi. I have always shipped those two… or have I really?

School started and the things between Levi and Petra became more complicated than it was before. But for us, nothing has changed, at least not like them. Levi understood that Petra is focusing on her studies, but sometimes, she comes to me complaining about Levi.

Levi would try to talk to her when he has time but then, she always gives him a cold reply.

Things ended between them after 3 months. On Petra's birthday, he planned to give her a belated birthday present.

I was part of the plan. We planned to meet up at the school gates since I let him borrow my book. We planned on getting Petra come with me to the school gates to give his belated birthday present to her. It was a stuffed toy.

As I was going down the stairs, I spotted Petra and I tried to catch up to her.

Me: Petra! I have something to say…

Petra: Yeah?

Me: Levi is coming here to school…

And he actually wants to meet up with you.

Petra: So? I don't care.

_She_ _almost_ _walked_ _away_.

Me: Please, he wants to see you. And don't worry, I'm coming with you since…

I showed her the book. "…he's going to borrow this from me…"

Petra: I don't really care. And how are you sure that he'll be coming?

Me: He could have told me that earlier if he were to adjust the date.

Petra: I could care less if he's coming or not. But fine.

_She walked away. WOW JUST WOW I WANT TO PUNCH HER._

As I went downstairs and to the school gates, I kept an eye on Petra.

Petra: Mikasa! I see him! He's there!

My heart pounded. _I'm going to see him for the second time now…_

Me: Ah? Ah! Wait I'll place my bag at my school bus.

I ran towards my school bus while having mixed feelings. Should I be excited? But I'm so nervous right now… I hugged my book and went to the school gates. And from a distance, I saw Levi, waiting.

Me: Hey

Levi: Oh hey

_I stretched out my hands and gave him the book._

Levi: Thanks.

Me: Ah yeah, wait I'll just call—.

"No need. I'm here." Someone said. It's Petra.

Levi: Hey again, it's been a while…

Petra: Haha yeah I know right?

Levi gave her his belated birthday present.

Petra: Oh my gosh! What's this?

_Can't you see, it's a present. I thought, I wanted to say it out loud though.  
_

Levi: Belated happy birthday hahaha

Petra: Aww thanks thanks

She went closer to Levi to give him a thank you hug. While they were chatting, I continued standing there like their bodyguard or something until I became irritated and decided to go.

"Wait," Someone grabbed my hand. "…we haven't talked that much yet."

_Levi… held my hand and stopped me from walking away…_

"But I have to go, my bus is waiting for me there."

"Wait, let me just walk you there and have a little chat…"

"What about Petra?"

"We already have exchanged our goodbyes already so… shall we?"

I smiled. And we started to walk.

* * *

It was my exam week when I carelessly said again my feelings towards him.

Levi: Can I ask you something?

Me: Yeah what is it?

Levi: Do you like someone?

Me: yes.

Levi: Who?

Me: You.

Levi: Wow… I didn't expect for you to hold on for so long…

Me: I said that I would right? And when I do, you said you might fall for me.

Levi: Can I tell something to you?

Me: Yeah?

Levi: Is there a part of you that thinks that you belong to me? I also have an answer to that question.

Me: Yes? Maybe? I hope so, though. What's yours?

Levi: Yes. There is a part of me that thinks that I belong to you… I don't know why, I just feel it..

A short pause.

Levi: Can I confess to you something?

My heart started to race, wishing that it was something that I have been wanting to happen. "Go ahead."

Levi: There are times that I ask myself if I like you or not, and my answer is always "I don't know."

_So it is either a yes or a no... _My hopes became higher.

Me: Why are you asking that to yourself?

Levi: It feels like you are always there. But actually you really are always right here by my side. And when I feel that you're away, I always ask myself where you are. And it just feels like my day is not complete when I don't get to talk with you.

_Is this the start of what I have been dreaming of? He finally have recognized my efforts… I must be one of the happiest people here in the world._

And from that moment on, I feel very fired up. And I promised myself that everyday,_ I'll have to do better._

* * *

A/N: Leave a review! :) Thank you very much!


	4. Some things doesn't go your way

Things went better. _Everything seems going as I wanted it to be,_ I thought. It was one of the most memorable experiences in my life until after 3 days…

At exactly 12:01 am.

Levi: Mikasa?

Me: Yeah?

It took him almost ten minutes to finish what he was typing. _I think what it is…_ It must be very long, huh?

Levi: Mikasa, I know I am a jerk for telling you the things I have told you on that day… I am sorry. I am going to be truthful to myself now. I am still madly and deeply in love with Petra. I know it won't get me anywhere at all. But I'm still hoping that things will get better between me and her.

Me: I really hope that you didn't say what you have said to me that day. But I was happy to hear that because it made me feel that there was really a chance even though there really isn't. I am confident enough to say that I did my best and that I was strong enough to endure all of this but there are things that really won't go my way.

Levi: Yeah I know. I was stupid to say that. I have nothing else to say. And I don't feel like shit cause of what you said. I already realized I am. Or was. So yeah I know sorry isn't enough because it never is. That's about it. I've done a lot of shit to people unintentionally apparently.

Me: Can I ask you something?

Levi: Go ahead

Me: Did you at least appreciate my feelings?

Levi: I did. I just didn't know how to reply to your feelings properly. You know how much I say I'm a great guy? That I am better than every other guy out there? Well that's a complete lie. I mean after seeing how much shit I did to Hanji, to Petra, and to you of course I realized I am a complete jerk. I really am a big jerk. So even if I did answer your feelings, shit would still happen because I always end up doing shit. There's a lot of other great and way better guys out there than me. I don't know. I'm just pretty sure shit will happen. It's always those.

Me: How can you be so sure? If that happens, do you think I would let that shit happen?

Levi: I mean you know what happened with me and Hanji right? I screwed up. And with Petra? It was my fault too. So if ever something were to happen between us it would end up the same way. 'Cause for some reason I end up destroying my relationships with people unintentionally. I don't know how, I just do. I know my reason isn't enough but I guess you can say it's my gut feeling. It's mostly my fault and I was a jerk.

Me: But do you think I would really let us to be destroyed if there's something between us? Even if it's your fault, I won't.

Levi: Maybe. Who knows? And the reason why I told you that I thought I liked you was because I was in a state of emotional loose. I was unstable. I probably still am.

Me: Who knows? I know. How do I know that I know? It's because I won't let it happen.

Levi: In other words I was lonely and looking for comfort. What was stopping me was the fact that it seemed wrong because it looked like I would just be using you to comfort me from this pain that would last for a while. In other terms again, I didn't want you to be a _rebound._ I don't like that. And nothing will change my mind. I'll also say something that will hurt you but is the truth. I don't see you that way. I don't think I ever will. I'm thankful that you've stuck with me after all the shit I did to you and others but that's all over now. I'm done. Even if you say you won't let it happen, we don't really know. Plus I don't want to find out whether or not shit will happen to us and what kind of hit will happen to us.

Me: It's funny that I actually know that you'll never look at me like that but I still tried hard enough because maybe, just maybe, those will change. But no. I always tell to myself that I'm used to being hurt because of the fact that you'll never see me like that. But actually I'm not used to being hurt, it's just that I really know that it will never happen.

Levi: In the end it's always your choice. You may or may not regret your choice but you are wasting your time on me. That's for sure. I'm sounding harsh but hey, I always sound harsh.

Me: I don't think I am wasting my time on you. If I think I really am wasting time on you, I should've left you back then

Levi: Yeah. You should have. Well we have different point of views right now.

Me: But I didn't.

Levi: Yeah you didn't. I won't say it's wrong. I admire your loyalty and perseverance but those can only get you so far.

* * *

After our conversation, we never talked once again. I was turned down for 3 times and on the third time, it was different. On the first two, I still have the guts to talk to him like as if nothing has happened. But the last was really different. His words gave me an impact that I thought it was worst impact I have had for ages. So then I decided,_ I will give up_._ I've had enough_. I thought about the friendship I worked hard or. Everything that we worked hard for will be gone. But hey, _things will never be the same, right?_

* * *

A/N: Please leave a review! :) I will make Levi POV as the next chapter!


	5. What was Lost (Levi POV)

What kind of a _jerk_ am I? Just actually leaving her hanging like that when I actually said that I won't. She is important to me and I know that she knows that since I told her.

_So Levi, what happened on your "I don't leave people those who are important to me", "I am afraid of losing people that I really trust" huh?_ I said to myself.

There was actually **not** a day that we haven't talked. And now, even just today, I don't think I'd survive this long. What more tomorrow? And the day after that? I sighed. I tried to distract myself from going insane about this. I'm not used to this kind of living.

_"No regrets."_ I muttered. I have lived up that motto since I have learned to think about deep things. And because of what happened between me and Mikasa, I thought that it's alright if I go the other way. If I wasn't harsh on her then we could have been fine. I then started to blame myself. Out of habit, I check my phone, hoping that she'd at least say hi or ask how am I doing now.

_But then, things change. It doesn't always stay the same. Be it that you're in good terms with someone? Someday, it will be better or sometimes, worse._

Every move I make, I think of her. I can't seem to get her out of my head. I can't think of anything else.

It feels like I have lost _everything._

_A true friend_

_A girl best friend_

_Someone I can really fully express my thoughts to. _

_A shoulder to cry on  
_

_Someone who is constantly there for me_

I mean, she is a_ package._ A special one. What I want to a person is already within her. But I have ruined _everything_. I ruined her... not just me. _And now I just want to die._

She never left me even though we've had serious talks about her feelings for me. _She must have gotten enough hurt for her to give up already,_ I thought. I could have given her a chance if I knew that this was going to happen.

As the every day of my life went on, I always get the feeling that something is missing. _I miss Mikasa._

Losing her is isn't something that happened _once._ I _always_ lose her.

Every second of the minute of every hour that we don't talk,_ I lose her_. Every time that I don't receive a 'Good morning' 'Good evening' and 'Good night' texts from her, _I slowly lose her_. When I go to sleep and I wasn't able to rant out my problems to her,_ I lose her_. I miss how she makes me feel very appreciated. She was actually the _first_ one to make me feel _appreciated_. She was the first girl who actually went in _so much trouble_ just to _meet up_ with me. She actually _lied to her parents_ just for us to be able to hang out at a mall. Among those three girls that I have met,_ Mikasa_ was the one who have exerted the most effort to _understand_ me. What I can't understand about myself is that, _why can't I fall in love with Mikasa?_

And then I thought, _Or am I already in love with her? That I just ignore the possible fact that if I were to be more than friends with Mikasa, we won't last very long just like what I've had with the other two. But I think, either way, the outcome is the same._

I thought once again, _If I have given myself a chance to be in love with Mikasa, I could have been happier._

I am such a confusing guy, indeed.

Every night before I go to sleep, I always _wish_ that Mikasa and I would meet in a dream and just talk about what we had missed about each other.

_I really hope that taking everything back is just as easy as memorizing the lyrics of your favorite song._

As days have passed, weeks and a month, I have decided to get in touch with her again. _And get back what was lost._

* * *

A/N: I might update 2 chapters tomorrow together! Please leave me a review :) xoxo


	6. Sudden

Everything was getting out of hand since then. I didn't know what to do. _I wasn't enough_, I suppose. _My best wasn't enough._ It's always like that. Out of habit, I check my phone from time to time if there were messages for me. And I thought_, it's never going to be the same_. Why can't we approach each other just like back then when we had talks like these? I mean, we've had—I felt my phone vibrated.

_I have a new message_.

I opened the message, hoping that it was Levi.

_Yo, how are you doing? It's been a while since we talked, right? Haha. _I looked at the sender's name—Jean Kirschtein. Oh yes… how rude of me to almost forgot about him. I texted back, _Fine, I guess? Yeah, let's talk? _Message sent.

I sighed.

Jean and I became somewhat close when 3 months have passed after the interaction—I was able to interact with him that day. But I wasn't sure how he was able to get my number, though, since I don't remember giving it to him. He must have asked Levi, I thought. But why just after 3 months, though? I left the thought when I heard my phone ringing, I answered it right away.

"Yeah?"

"Yo, it's me, Jean. Haha."

"What's up?

"Nothing much. You? What happened to you and Levi? Something interesting?"

"It's been actually almost a month since we haven't talked"

"Interesting, why? Something happened? Wow, you're lucky to have survived even a day then. Hahaha!"

"Yeah, I know. Haha" Somehow I managed to put up a smile.

"Such strong girl, huh? So, are you over him yet?"

"Tch. Of course! It's not that hard to move on, you know?" Obvious lie.

" You're joking, right?"

"Of course I am! If I knew that I can move on and forget my feelings for him in just less than a month then I would have done it and nothing would have come to this, you know?"

"Yeah yeah alright. Do you want to move on already?"

"Yeah…"

"How about the friendship?"

"I.. I don't know if he wants to be friends with me again… I mean, the reason I have talked to him as if nothing happened back then, it's because of our friendship. You know, I tried my best to control myself already but it seems that my feelings are uncontrollable and whenever we talk again, everything just goes back to me. And the way we talked the last time was way different from the past talks we've had."

"Do you blame yourself for it? I mean, do you think it's your fault that your friendship was kind of not okay right now?"

"I don't think that our friendship is 'not okay' or is there even a friendship left between us? But yes, I blame myself for not being enough. Expecting that things would go how I want it to be. I forced myself to him. You know, those stuff… But a part of me blames it to him, I mean, I did what I could but why can't he fall for me?"

"Maybe you two were really just meant to be as friends—"

"Yeah that's great. Thanks for the support."

"No—I mean, don't take this as an offense but, if you were rejected by him on the first time, you could have lessen the efforts, you know? I mean, it's not bad if you still try to make him fall for you after you have been rejected, it's just that, when you were rejected again, be open minded enough to _accept that you two are only meant to be as friends_. In that way, you two could have been fine even now."

"How do you know? Things can change, right?"

"Yeah things change and now try look how things has changed between you two."

I don't know what to say, _maybe he's right._

He continued, "Do you want to move on?"

"Yeah… of course. But how?"

"Use me."

"What? Use you? What are you talking about?"

"Mikasa, I like you—" I hanged up.

_What was that?_ Just what the hell was that? I punched my head wishing what he said was not real. Wishing that Levi was the one who will tell me that. I'm so insensitive. The more I reflect on it, the more I realize that I am no different from Levi. I am a horrible person.

I let out a very deep and heavy sigh. I am so rude, actually hanging up on the phone while he confess his feelings for me.

And then I realized that I am different from Levi. _I am far worse than him,_ I thought.

* * *

A/N: Please leave a reviewww :) Thanks so much


	7. Chance

"Girls, move 6 steps to your right! And boys, move 3 steps to your left" "You have two minutes to interact with your partner."

At that time, I was partnered with this shy girl. Anti-social, maybe? I started with our conversation.

I stretched out my hand, "Yo, I'm Jean, and you are?"

She showed me her school ID, "Mikasa." She reached for my hand and we shook hands.

I smiled at the memory. She was a different kind of girl. We became close only after three months since the interaction. I was too shy to ask for her phone number so it took me three months to actually get her number. And guess what? I was able to get it from Levi, one of my closest friends among my circle of friends at school.

We started talking until we both got actually comfortable with each other.

Not long after we started talking, I fell for her. It was actually my first time to fall for someone this much. I don't know why, I just did.

Only, there was one problem, she is in love with someone else. I don't know who, she just rants it to me. I don't know why she doesn't want to say who the guy is, but I think it's for the better if I don't know who she fell for.

He must be one lucky guy, then? I thought.

I wonder what does it feel like to actually like someone who likes you back.

Then I realized, I already got rejected by Mikasa. I wasn't rejected once. I always get rejected every time she rants to me about how she really loves that guy. How she can't stop loving him even after she got rejected a couple of times.

Why can't it be me instead?

Unlike them, we don't talk everyday. But it's almost everyday.

There was a day that I got so full of it not knowing who the guy was so I insisted Mikasa on who the guy was. When I knew about it, I thought, Not knowing who he is was really better.

Since then, I tried to not talk to Mikasa. I know what I was doing was nonsense, but I did what I could to not let these feelings for her eat me alive. Then I realized, I was too late.

A few weeks have passed, I have decided to talk to her. _Yo, how are you doing? It's been a while since we talked, right? Haha._

_Fine, I guess? Yeah, let's talk?, _she replied.

And we talked about stuff, mainly about her feelings for Levi.

They're no different from each other. They're both in love with someone. Not her and not me. I said to myself, How about I tell it to her now? It seems like this is the best time to say it.

"Use me."

"What? Use you? What are you talking about?"

I sensed a bad feeling about what will happen but it was too late to stop this.

"Mikasa, I like you—" she hanged up.

My heart stopped. What have I done?

I stayed quiet thinking about things. _Levi is such a jerk. _

* * *

A/N: So yeah, as you can see, you have read a Jean POV._ I hope you enjoyed! :) Leave a review, thanksssssss_


	8. The Right Thing

My phone vibrated and so I reached for it. There's a new message. _I hope it's not from Jean, I don't know what to say if it's him._ I checked the message.

"Hey, can we talk? Maybe… clear some things between us?"

I held my phone tightly like it was going to break. _How does he actually have the guts to talk to me at this time after what he had said?_ I sighed. _He knows what had happened, why can't he…_ I shook my head. _Mikasa, come to your senses. He is the one approaching you already, you know? You wouldn't want to miss the chance, right?_ I thought.

"Yeah I guess? Haha. What now, Levi?"

"Are we still friends?"

"I don't know, are we?"

"I don't really know, but can we?"

"Can we what?"

"Be friends again? Take back what was lost?"

Am I being cold? This isn't me towards Levi back then… "I don't know. Maybe?" I looked again as his reply. _Take back what was lost?_ I felt nervous but with no particular reason.

"What's with that answer? I'm already giving you a chance, you know?" He said.

"What's with that reply? Are you angry now?"

"Who said that I'm angry? Don't you want to be friends with me again? Just say it, and were done."

If I said yes, _would things really turn out the way it used to be?_ I shook my head, _maybe not._ But then I thought, _just give it a try?_ I smiled at the thought.

"Do you think I would agree?" I asked.

"I don't know, would you?"

"I'm asking you. Answer it."

"Yeah, I think."

"Why do you think so?"

"I mean, I just know, since we always have been friends after we've had talks like these, right?"

"Do you think 'back then' is still the same? Hah. I take back what I have said."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I should have left you back then." I stared at my reply and I felt kind of satisfied. I press 'send.' _Did I do it right?_ _Wasn't I being too harsh?_ I sighed and I tried to lighten up my mood.

After 20 minutes, my phone rang. _Just what does he want now?_ I reached and answered the call.

"Didn't I make it clear that—" I shouted and got cut off.

"Oh—uh, It's me, Jean." The voice said. My heart stopped for a moment. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so sudden…" He said.

"Oh oh. Ohhh. I should be the one saying sorry since I…" I blushed. "I… hanged up on you while…. Yeah"

"Ah… it's fine it's fine.. it's my fault anyways."

"Ah no, no it's not your fault. Haha"

"Uhm, you don't need to answer it, you know? I j-just wanted to tell you about it but it seems that… I brought it up on the wrong time, yeah?"

"Yeah…" I agreed. And we stayed quiet for some time.

He continued, "So uh, d-do you want to meet up?" I widened my eyes out of shock. H-he's taking me out? But… ahh… it's making me guilty. I still don't know how to face him properly after what had happened. But I thought, _I'll make it up to him_, I guess?

"Yeah, I guess? So where is it?"

"Just in front of your house. I mean, you're alone right now right?" I froze. _How does he know? Is he some kind of a stalker? My goodness._

"How did you…"

"Outside. Look outside." He hanged up.

He must be kidding, right? I stammered as I stood up and walked towards my window. A guy was waving at me as I looked at the window and I noticed that he is around my age. I shook my head, _No, he's just joking around._ I stared at him. He took something out of his pocket and put it on his ear. My phone rang again, I answered it.

"What? Are you just going to keep me waiting here? Go outside." He ordered.

"You really are there…" I kept staring, thinking if he really was Jean.

"What now? Are you now going to stare at me like that the whole day? If staring at me would help you in moving on with those feelings for Levi, I suggest that you have to see me closer so it could fasten up a bit. Hahaha!" I saw him laugh and I dropped the phone and ran downstairs. _Why am I running now?_

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A/N: Yay so guys, I love you for reading my fic. I'm so happy. I'll make sure to update everyday! :) Please leave a review! :) Thanks a bunch! xoxo


	9. To be loved

Catching my breath, I talked to him, "How did you… know that… my house is here…?"

He smiled and he showed me his phone that looks like some kind of a tracking device. "What the hell is that?" I asked.

"This is obviously a phone and this is an app that I actually have downloaded recently so I decided to try it on you and here I am" He laughed. "And just so you know…" He paused.

"What is it?"

"We're actually on the same… neighborhood. Just a street away." He sighed and nodded.

_He's just a street away? He must be kidding me._ I gave him a straight face.

"What now? You don't believe me? Here, look at this." He showed to me the so-called tracking app, "You're the B and I'm the A." He pointed out, "See? My street is just right behind yours." Things are slowly processing in my mind.

"If your street is right behind mine… how come I don't see you…"

"We just moved here the other day so yeah" I nodded. There was a moment of silence. He continued, "Ah.. so, c-can we…" He shifted his eyes on the surroundings and placed his hands behind his neck as if he was scratching, "can we… meet every day? Like hang out?" He asked.

"I guess? I'll try… I'll just send you a message if I can."

"Okay, uh… I think this is the second time for us to see each other, yeah? Let's go?"

"Huh? To where?"

"A coffee shop. I'll treat you something."

"Huh? I should be the one to treat you something, you know? I mean…" I blushed at the thought. "…you know why…"

"Don't be so bothered by it, you know? Hahaha. I'll treat you, come." He held out his hand as if he's reaching out for me but I grabbed his arm instead. We were walking silently until he asked me something.

"So, anything interesting?

"Interesting about what?

"About your life"

"Nothing actually, why ask? How about you?"

"Nothing, just trying to start a conversation. Same, actually…"

I want to ask him, _why does he like me?_ But I'm too shy to ask. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Something bothering you?" He asked. _I shouldn't have sighed… Damn. I'm going to get things straight._

"I-I just want to… ask. Why do you like me?"

He stopped walking, probably surprised by my question. "Ah, y-you don't have to—"

"Why, you say?" He smiled and he sat on the side walk. "Come sit with me, I wouldn't want you just standing there, you know?" And so I sat beside him.

He continued, "I'm not really sure, you know?" I looked down on the street. I looked at my feet. I looked at everywhere but not at his eyes. "So… you aren't sure if you like me, then?" I asked.

I feel him looking at me. I feel his eyes searching for mine. "Mikasa, look at me." He ordered_. No_. I thought. I'm getting so nervous with this atmosphere between us. "I want to do it right. So I'm going to say this to you again. Please, hear me out. And look at me." He said.

Unexpectedly, I slowly fixed my stare at his eyes. I feel my body burning up as he stared back at me. He leans closer as if he was going to kiss me. I don't know what to think. It feels like I forgot how to breathe. _Is the time moving?_ It feels like everything has stopped.

He smiled and said, "There's no need to know why, to know how and to know what I like about you. Details doesn't matter right here. I just did. What is important right now is that, Mikasa, I'm in love with you." I don't know what to say. _How can I actually answer that?_ I stopped thinking. "Mikasa, I am solely giving up my everything, for you to be happy. I'll do everything to make you you fall for me." I felt tears rushing down my eyes. _Is this what it feels to be loved?_ This is the feeling that I have been waiting for… _to be loved by someone this sincere._ I felt his fingers brush past my cheeks, wiping my tears away. He continued to smile as he said, "You know, I will volunteer myself to get hurt so you would be able to forget your feelings for Levi. _Please, go out with me._" I gathered up my senses.

"I thank you for being sincere. But Jean, I don't want you hurt just because of my own problem. I want to give you a chance, but your feelings are so deep that you aren't supposed to be treated the way you want to be treated. _You can't force love on someone_, that is one of the things that I have learned."

"So, are you rejecting me?"

"No! No, I am not rejecting you. I'm just saying that you should let me solve my problem first…"

"I see. So are you—"

"You're the first one to actually made me feel that I am sincerely loved by someone. The romantic type of love, I mean…" I cleared my throat and he laughs.

"So.. are y—"

"Ah, I-I'm sorry if I keep on cutting you off in between sentences… Uh, you go first." Why am I like this? Am I really that nervous?

He laughs again. "You're so adorable, you know?"

"Wait, what? Make it clearer!" I smacked him on the head.

"Ow! I didn't know that a girl could hit this hard! Hahaha"

"What do you want to say?" I smacked him on his head again.

"Are you a guy? Seriously, I haven't met a girl that could hit me this hard, you know? Hahaha"

"You have met other girls?" _Damn, did I really just ask that? Of course he does!_

He grinned at my question. I talked before he could say something else, "T-that's not what I mea—" He cut me off, "Are you perhaps jealous?" I snapped, "N-no! It's not what I—" I got cut off again. He touched me at my sides. He touched me behind my neck. What's he doing? I said, "If you're trying to tickle me, you can't because I have no tickle spots, you know? Hahaha!" He sat steadily again. "Tch. You're no fun, then. I'm disappointed." I looked at him and said, "What? You don't like me now?" He snapped, "Do you think I'm that narrow-minded to actually stop liking you just because you have no tickle spots? Tch." He looked away. "…I'm not that kind of guy, you know…" I tried to grab his shoulders but he pulled away.

"Why are you so stingy now?" I looked at the opposite direction. There was silence. _Damn…_

"I have met other girls, of course… B-but you don't have to feel jealous…"

"Who said that I'm jealous? I'm not jealous!" I smacked his head again. _Am I?_

"Just saying… And can you stop smacking my head? It makes me feel like I'm gay, you know?" He laughs again.

Before I could smack his head again, I said, "Hey, I thought we're going to a coffee shop? It's almost 9 pm, you know?" He looked at his watch.

"Shit!" He let out a sigh and stood up and offered me a hand to help me stand, I grabbed it. "Let me walk you back to your house, I guess?"

"Are you in a hurry? No need, if you are…"

"No, it's okay. So, shall we?" He offered.

I looked at my hand. I'm still holding Jean's hand. _It's so warm… _Jean tried to pull away, but I held it tightly. I smiled and said, "No, let's stay like this."

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A/N: Please leave a review! :) Thank you very much


	10. Give it a Try

As soon as I went inside our house, a voice said, "Where have you been? It's kinda late already and you were outside the whole time?" I stood in front of the door quietly. I nodded. "Who were you with?" Mom asked.

"A village friend."

"Oh that's great, what's her name? Bring her here some time."

"It's a he, mom…" There was silence in the room. "…I'm going upstairs." I ran upstairs and went to my room while her voice slowly fades away. I didn't understand what was she saying, but more like I'm not interested in understanding it.

_Tch._

I sighed and I lied down to bed thinking what had happened earlier. I smiled at the memory. _I don't want to keep Jean waiting for me…_ I thought._ Maybe I should…_ I started to fade away in reality.

It was 7 a.m in the morning when my mom asked me to buy some goods in the nearby convenience store in the neighborhood. As I was walking straight ahead, I heard noises. _Maybe a bunch of drunkards fighting._ I continued walking when I heard a familiar name.

"Hey Jean, remember what we had bet for, yeah?"

"Of course, man." The guy said is a laughing tone. _Is it really Jean?_

"What now? How is that bet going? Is she falling for it? Huh?" I heard a bang once the sentence ended. Probably, he was pushed on a hard metal.

"…N-no… s-she hasn't.." His voice sounded uncomfortable. _What bet? Who is "she"?_ I stopped walking.

"Two days left, you know? And you'll know what happen to you, right?"

"…Y-Yes… "

"Did you perhaps… fall for her, huh?"

"N-no!" There was another bang. It was louder than before. "I'm not in love with Mikasa, alright?!"

"Good." I heard footsteps drawing closer. And before I knew it, his eyes met with mine. I started to shiver.

"Oh look what we have here, Jean." The man said. I started to walk backwards but then, I stumbled on a rock.

* * *

I looked at the wall clock. It's 2:48 am in the morning… _What a dream…_

I was scratching my eyes when I felt my stomach grumbling. I haven't eaten dinner yet. I was about to leap out of my bed when I hesitated whether I would eat or just sleep with this hunger. My stomach grumbled again. I let out a sigh and I decided to go downstairs. I noticed that I still wore the clothes I have worn when I met up with Jean. _Speaking of Jean…_ I remembered the dream. _I thought it was real._ I stopped halfway downstairs with the thoughts coming back to my head. _Nah, it's only a dream. _I continued walking downstairs and I went to the kitchen. But by the time I opened the refrigerator, I lost my appetite. I drank cups of water instead to remove my hunger, but it didn't do so much help. So I decided to just go back to bed and sleep.

As soon as I got to my bed, I closed my eyes and slept once again. In a matter of minutes, I flew my eyes open when I remembered my dream. _I wonder if it's true… Why am I so bothered by it?_ _Argh._ It's almost 3 am in the morning when I decided to call him. _I hope he's awake._

"…Yeah?" A voice muttered obviously awakened from my call. _Damn, Mikasa, why can't you just ask him, later._

"Uh… sorry to disturb you."

"Ah it's okay. I wasn't sleeping anyway." Jean's voice suddenly shifted with excitement. "So what's up?"

"Uhm… I don't really know where to start…"

"Don't worry, just say it."

"I know this might sound crazy… but… did you just agree on a bet?"

"What bet?"

"A bet to make me fall for you…"

It took him 2 minutes to answer my question, I think it's probably true… but I hope it isn't. It was just a dream, Mikasa. I repeated those words in my head until I heard his voice once again.

He let out a sigh. "… What made you think like that?"

"I had a dream…"

"You had a dream? Tch, it's _just_ a dream…" _Ah, thank God._ I thought. "And besides…"

"What?"

"I… love you, you know that, right?"

I smiled as he said those words. "Yeah, I do…"

"Am I saying it too much?" He asked.

"It's okay… besides…"

"What is it?"

_"I like it when you say it…"_

"Yeah? That's good to hear, then?"_ I think he's smiling as he said those words... _

"I guess so, hahaha. Hey I'm going to sleep now."

"Yeah, me too. Goodnight, then?"

"Yeah, goodnight." I hanged up.

I never expected it to turn out this way. _I really should give myself a chance,_ I thought. _How is Levi doing now, I wonder?_ I slowly left the thought and I drifted to sleep.

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A/N: Please leave a review. Thanks a bunchhh


	11. Advice

****This part happened after Levi and Mikasa exchanged texts at Chap 8**

* * *

_"I should have left you back then." _She said.

I don't know what to think… Nothing is going inside my mind. _Should I reply? What would I say to her?_ I scanned through my phone contacts to see if there is someone I can talk to.

"Hey." I sent a message to Jean.

"Bro, something wrong?"

"Yes, there is. Can I go to your house?"

"Wait, at this time? I'm going for a walk around my new village. We just moved but sure." He gave me his new home address.

"I'll be there at 9 pm. Sounds fine?"

"Yeah, sure." I looked at my wall clock. It's almost 8 pm. I still have an hour left… I looked at his address again… I sighed. _Good thing his village is just next to ours._ I lied down to my bed for 20 minutes when I decided to head to Jean's house already.

As I was walking in his village, I spotted a coffee shop and I put my hands in my pockets to check if I brought some money with me. When I found some bills, I went straight to the shop and bought 2 large-sized frappe.

As soon as I got outside, I saw a man walking down the street and I decided to ask him for directions.

So the second street behind this street is Jean's… okay. I started walking once again. I looked at my right side and I saw two figures sitting at the side walk. I can't see their faces since they're against the light. _Tch, probably love birds._ As soon as I passed by that street, I let out a sigh. Now I just have to find Jean's house… I checked again the home address he has given me. By the time I stopped walking, I looked at the lot number of the house in front of me. _Sweet, I'm here._ I checked my watch. It's 8:56 pm. _I guess I'm a bit early though… _

"Hey Levi!" Someone shouted, I turned around and I saw Jean running towards me. "How long have ..you…"

"I just got here."

"Great." He was catching his breath as he lead the way inside his house. "Is that frappe for me?" He asked. _Oh, I almost forgot._

"Ah yes, here." I handed him his cup of frappe. He reached for it and placed it in the counter while he was searching for some food to eat.

"Are chips, okay?"

"Sure." I was looking at their new furniture when Jean asked, "What's up?"

"Where's your family?" I asked.

"They're at a mall. Want to go to my room? Let's talk there." He led the way upstairs while I got some of our food. He opened the door to his room and sat on his bed. As I placed the food on the floor, I sat on his carpet. "So, what's wrong?"

"It's about Mikasa." I said her name as if I was unsure about the pronunciation.

"What about her? Dumped her again?" I suddenly felt cold.

"How do you know?"

"She rants out to me, you know?"

"You two are close?" I asked.

"Yeah, and you gave me her number, remember?" I didn't answer. I scratched my head as if I don't know what to say next. He knows what happened, anyway. And then I remembered our exchange of texts earlier.

I started. "Hey, did she tell you about what happened earlier?"

"No, spill it, bro."

I scanned through my inbox and I read our messages aloud in front of Jean. After I have finished reading, he suddenly asked me a question.

"I don't really understand why… why haven't you even fallen for Mikasa? I mean, by the way she rants to me about her love for you, she is serious with those feelings. So why.."

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And it's not like I can force myself to fall for her, you know? I don't know who to blame for this mess…"

Jean sat quietly, probably thinking for some advices that he could tell me. "You two are at fault here, you know?" I didn't respond. He continued talking, "As a friend, I'll say this, let her cool down her head first about this matter. Give her space to forget about her feelings for you since what led you two in this kind of situation are those 'feelings.' And once you have given her enough space and enough time to forget about it, it's your call or hers if you'd still be approaching her to be friends again." I sighed and I nodded.

"I'll give it a try. Thanks, man." I tossed a pack of chips towards him.

"Sure, man."

And then I suddenly asked him a random question, "Why did you ask me for Mikasa's number?" He looks kind of uneasy when he heard the question.

"To be friends with her of course…" His answer seems incomplete…

"So you still haven't talked even before you asked me for her number?"

"Yeah, the last time we talked before I asked you for it was on the interaction itself…"

I nodded. "But why just ask for it after three months?" He shifted uncomfortably on his bed.

"Uh… okay okay. You got me. I like her." He sounded like he was being chased by a jaguar.

"You what?"

"I said I like Mikasa."

"Ah…" I nodded. I don't know what to say now. _Damn._ "Do you have good movies here?" I asked. _Way to go, Levi._

"Ah… it's all downstairs but they are still there inside the boxes…"

I nodded. "Oh… okay. I guess I'll be going then? Thank you for advising me."

He nodded and he again led the way downstairs and sought for me as I leave his street.

_Damn. I shouldn't have asked him… _

By the time I got home, I went straight ahead to my room and slept.

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A/N: Please leave a review. Thanks for reading. :)


	12. Just when

For the past few weeks, I have been hanging out with Jean a lot. And since then, I haven't heard anything from Levi. Surprisingly, things went well between me and Jean since I decided to give myself and him a chance. The chance for me to not refuse the love that Jean is making me feel and a chance that I think will make me happy. _Isn't this what I have asked for? To be free from the feelings that can't be answered back._ I smiled at the thought.

I rested my head on the bed while I am sitting on the floor while Jean is lying down on the floor with his head on my lap. I ruffled his hair and I smiled.

"What are you smiling for?" Jean looked at me at the eyes.

"I don't know… It's like it's my first time to be happy like this." I said as he grabbed my hand and kissed it. Heat rushed through my body.

"So… are you going to say yes?" He asked.

I smiled at him and said, "I thought I already have."

He sat up on the floor and lied down on his bed, his head rested beside mine. He wrapped his arms around my neck and I turned my head and tried to look at his eyes. As I found my eyes staring at his face, he kissed my forehead and we slowly closed our eyes. After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and took a look at Jean. He is sleeping. I tried to not move so much since I don't want to disturb him from sleeping. Or rather, I want to stay like this with him.

_I have moved on, haven't I?_ I thought. _Will Levi and I have moments like this too? If he did not reject me, though…_ I started thinking things again. _How is he? Does he like someone already? Does he regret rejecting me? Not giving me a chance, perhaps?_ And the usual things that I have always been asking to myself, _am I not enough? Are my efforts not enough? Why can't he fall in love with me?_ I sighed. _I should stop this. I have Jean now._ I paused for a moment. _Am I sure about this?_ My mind went blank when I felt my phone vibrated. And with a perfect timing, Jean untangled his arms around my neck and changed his sleeping position. I sighed. I took my phone from my pocket and there written "1 new message"

I can't feel my hands. I can't feel anything. My hands are shaking as I held my phone tightly. I saw a transparent liquid dropping on the screen and noticed that it was tears. In a matter of seconds, I started to cry. I started to break down. I stood up and went inside Jean's bathroom, afraid that I might wake him up from his fine sleep. I locked the door as soon as I got inside.

I looked at the message again. I tried gathering up my senses but nothing happened. _What does he want that he sent me this message? Does he plan to make me guilty from what I said? Why just now? Why say this to me just now?_ I shook my head and slowly started crying again. _Just when everything is fine. Just when I have given up almost everything. Just when I found my courage and reason to turn my back to him and walk away._ _Why—_ I heard a knock on the door.

"Mikasa? Are you there?"

It took seconds for me to answer. "Ah yes, sorry. Did I worry you?"

"I thought you left me."

I opened the door. "Sorry something just—" He cupped my chin and looked at my eyes.

"Did you cry? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, something just came up. That's all."

"Do you want to go home? Let me walk you back."

I started to shiver and get nervous. "N-no need to walk me back—"

"Are you su—"

"Yes. I am sure. Now I'll g-go now."

"At least I'll see you lea—"

"No but thanks. I'm okay, alright?" He looked at my hands and held it. It felt warm and I somehow managed to stop shivering.

"No. You're not fine. Tell me, what is the problem?" He asked.

My mind went blank for few seconds and I said, "Why do you want to know?"

"I won't let you carry your own burdens, you know?"

I sighed. "But I can carry my own burdens. And this one doesn't concern you. I'm sorry but please, leave me alone with this one. I don't want us to fight just because of this." He nodded at me but remained silent.

"At least call me when you can't take it anymore, okay?"

I managed to put up a smile. "Okay then." I walked downstairs as fast as I can and got out of his house and headed back to mine.

As soon as I got to my room, I lied down to bed and opened up my phone once again.

I repeatedly read Levi's message to me.

_"I'm in love with you as soon as I got comfortable with you. I didn't realize this back then since I was too focused on the other girls. I know I am a big jerk for saying this to you. I must not deny myself anymore in this matter. But you might exactly think of this as something I know that will make you guilty but no, I just don't know why but I think I am saying this to you now is because there still might be hope for us to be friends. But now that I have realized these feelings for you, friendship might not be the only thing that I would want. I know that I am actually a total jerk to hope that you would still have feelings for me. I am sorry that this is so sudden, but I just can't take it anymore."_

I sighed and I closed my eyes. I never knew that it would get this complicated.

_I am happy right now with Jean. But am I, really?_ I thought. The boy I have finished chasing is now chasing me… My past love is running to get me back. _Past love? Am I sure about that?_ I slowly feel everything coming back to me. Everything that I felt for Levi. But there is Jean… _what should I do? _Everything is so messed up._  
_

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A/N: Sorry for the _very very very very very very very_ late update. :( I'll try to update as soon as possible though. Please leave a review. Thanksies!


	13. Numbness

_I didn't want it to turn out like this. Why does it have to be now?_ I sighed. Two days have passed when I started to not answer Jean's calls, texts and refuse his appearance before me. He has been trying to see me, even just a glance. Our relationship just started three days ago and now look where it had gotten just because of a text message. Just because of Levi's message, I started to question myself about Jean. About my feelings toward him. _Or are there really feelings? Do I really see him as more than a friend?_ It was then that I have realized something else. _Somethi—_

**Knock knock.**

"Who's there?"

"It's me." I heard Jean's voice. I suddenly became terrified and I don't know why. "I haven't been hearing from you…" Tears started to build up and I began to tremble. I didn't answer.

"Mikasa? Are you fine?" He knocked once again. But this time, it was different. It was like he was more worried than before. I tried to gather up my senses.

"Sorry, Jean. I was just zoning out…"

"Please? Let me in, even just for a few minutes? I want to talk."

I sighed and I stood up and unlocked the door. I remained standing while looking down at the floor as he opened the door. I continued to look down just as the silence between us did. He started to talk.

"I just wanted to talk to you about something." He cleared his throat.

"Is it about my problem?" I asked.

"Yes… actually."

"Yeah? Go ahead then." My mind is completely blank. It is just like I don't know what I am saying. Or rather, my mouth is automatically moving and spurting out words of reply. I can hear the deep silence surrounding us. It's as almost I can hear my heart beating.

"Is your problem…perhaps, related about…"

"Levi." I continued. He shifted the weight from his other feet, as if he got quite uncomfortable when I said the name. _But is that what he was supposed to say…? Maybe he meant other problem that I might be dealing with. Shit. I am such an insensitive jerk._ I hid my hands at my back making a hard fist until my hands went numb. "…Or did you meant about som—…"

"No, no… I was just supposed to say that…"

"Why would you think that it's him?" I asked.

"I… I don't… know. I just think that it's about him."

"Ah. Is that so, then?"

"I just wanted to ask you some questions though…" I started to shiver again. "…But please, answer it with honesty."

"Sure."

He let out a deep sigh just like as if he was trying to take away his nervousness. "Do you like me?"

I looked at him as he asked that question. _Answer it with honesty_, he said. I looked away and answered, "Yes…or at least I think I did…" I looked at him again and his eyes are like craving for answers. Honest answers, to be exact. I continued talking. "I… I don't really know. I'm not sure…"

"If you aren't sure… then why did you agree to have this relationship with me?"

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say, hoping that I could find answers to these questions as well. "I thought that I'd be happy with you. Actually, I am happy. I really am. And with the feeling of happiness that I felt, I thought that I was sure about my feelings for you. I thought I was sure on everything about what will our relationship be. That it will be fine. But then—."

He cut me off and continued like he was in pain. "But then what? He sent you a message telling you that he is in love with you? And that he hadn't realized it before?"_ How did he…_ "Mikasa… you don't like me. You just said that you did have feelings for me because you pity me. _It's because you pity me!_"

"I _do_ like you! Don't think things like that! You don't know what is going on in my mind and what I truly feel about something so you don't have the right to say that I only pitied you! I am happy!" I tried catching my breath. I started to relax. "…I am happy… I really am. I thank you that you made me feel happy…" I was surprised by the words that I have said to Jean. I bit my lip and started to remain silent, thinking of what should I say next.

Silence crawled between us that lasted not more than 5 minutes. He started the conversation again, but now unsure on what to say, nor do. I felt something hot touched my whole body. I felt like I was being wrapped. It was just when it occurred to me that he is hugging me while he is crying. "I know it won't hurt you as much as it would hurt me. But I thank you for the time and everything. Thank you for the way you make me feel. I see it in your eyes…" He paused for a moment. "I can see that you're in love with him. And as I set you free…" _Free?_ I tried to say something but no words came out.

He continued, "Please, don't forget me. Do what you think you can do to save your relationship with Levi… And maybe if fate were to give us time, I guarantee you that we can continue what was stopped, or at least continue it if you would still have feelings for me…" I can't process what was happening.

He cupped my chin and looked at my eyes. I stared back. And before I knew it, tears sprang out from my eyes as I feel his lips touched mine. I can't move at all and it's like time has stopped between us. In my mind, memories of our time together flashed and slowly faded away as he let go of the kiss. I looked at him and he looked at me. And he spoke as if we won't be seeing each other again and as if he won't be saying it to me ever again, "I love you, Mikasa. Goodbye."

Everything happened so fast that I can't do anything but watch him leaving. I can't think of anything. I don't know what I should do. I can't feel anything... I hope that this is just a dream. But as I watch him leave, it hurts so much that in an instant, I'd have to accept that this is the reality.

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A/N: Please leave me a review! Thank you for reading!


	14. Defeat

_**So this is a Jean POV_

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By the time that she agreed to be with me, I thought that my life would go on as I have planned to. Until something came up so suddenly that it hasn't been even an hour since we have been in a relationship and yet she continued not talking to me. _Is she even thinking of me? _

_I hope so._

I went back and forth to her house, asking her mom if I can see her. I continued sending her texts to know if she is fine but I received no replies. I did what I could to be in touch with her. _What is the problem she is dealing with, I wonder? Why did it come to the point that our relationship got affected?_ I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket while walking back to my house. I opened it and found a new message. I opened it as soon as I got it knowing that it is from Mikasa.

I stopped walking. The message was, "Can we talk?" I swiped down to find out who it's from. I felt something cold touched my neck as soon as I knew who sent the message. It's from Levi. I sighed.

"It's fine, I guess? When?" I continued walking.

"I'm in your house now. Your mom let me in." He said. As soon as I read his reply, I started to jog.

I was about to twist the knob at our front door when someone opened it. "Hey, Jean." Levi gave me a smile.

"Yo," I walked past him and closed the door. "so what did you want to talk about?" I took a cup and filled it with water.

"Something…" I looked at him as he scanned through inside the house feeling uneasy.

"Come on, let's go up." I led the way to my room as he followed behind. As we got inside, I sat on the bed and he closed the door and remained standing near the wall. He was about to talk but I cut him off, "You said something to her. I want to know what it is." My hands started to shiver. I don't know where this anger is coming from.

"About that…"

"What? What did you say?" I stood up from the bed and jolted towards him. I grabbed him by the collar as I shove him to the wall. "I want to know what you said." He looked at me in the eye, as if asking me for a challenge. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me hard that I almost lost my balance. He got his phone and said, "You really want to know? Okay then, listen."

He read his own text message, aloud. _"I'm in love with you as soon as I got comfortable with you. I didn't realize this—" _

I stopped him. "Enough…"

He continued,_ "__back then since I was too focused on the other girls. I know I am a big jerk for saying this to you. I must not deny myself anymore in this matter."_ I placed my hands on my ears to not hear what he says. He looks at me and his voice got louder._ "__But you might exactly think of this as something I know that will make you guilty but no, I just don't know why but I think I am saying this to you now is because there still might be hope for us to be friends." _

I stopped him again. "Enough. I said enough!" But he continued and didn't stop. His voice got even louder._ "But now that I have realized these feelings for you, friendship might not be the only thing that I would want." _As soon as I heard this line, I loosened my grip on my ears and tears started to build up in my eyes._ "__I know that I am actually a total jerk to hope that you would still have feelings for me." Enough… enough… enough. "I am sorry that this is so sudden," _And then I shouted, "I said enough! Can't you understand?! I've had enough!"I slowly sat on the floor, crying and looking at my hands.

He shouted back, "You said you wanted to know what I said to her! I just did what you said and now what?!"

I snapped, "Now what?! You ruined everything! Just when I thought that we would be happy together in our relationship. That no one would interfere!"

He looked at me, shocked. "You two are… dating…?"

I looked at him, trembling, and probably with red swollen eyes. "Yes… just yesterday… and now she won't even talk to me."

"Why won't she talk to you…?"

"I gave him a blank face. "Because of some jerk who sent her a message telling her that he is in love with her. I wonder who is that jerk, though?"

He stood still while remaining silent, probably unsure of what to say. And then he spoke, "Do you know why I wanted to talk to you?"

"To make me feel awful."

"Since you told me about your feelings about Mikasa, I just wanted to challenge you."

I fell silent. "Challenge me?"

"Yeah, but since you two are dating… it would seem impossible." He added.

"What's the point of challenging? She picked me now, not you. But before then, she has always picked you when you always have chosen other girls."

"Yeah, and now I'm—"

"You ruined everything, you know? Just when we're… together." Tears sprang out in my eyes once again.

"I'm so—"

"No, don't talk." I cleared my throat. "I accept your challenge."

"What? There's no poi—"

"Yes, I know. She is mine but she will choose you anyway. Eventually, she would break up with me after she has read your message. She would realize that she still has feelings for you. Anways, she is probably questioning her feelings for me, if there are. I accept the challenge, I accept my defeat." I stood up and went for the door and opened it. "No more words. I want you to go out." He looked at me as if he is feeling sorry. As if he is feeling sorry for my own defeat. _Why would he challenge me when he already knew that Mikasa would pick him over me? Probably to make me feel worse._ Tch, I'm already at my worst.

I locked the door as soon as he got out. I sat on the floor, my back rested on the door. I started to think things, about on what I should do with my relationship with Mikasa, and Levi.

I won't really do the challenge. There is no point in agreeing to do the challenge. It's because it's obvious already. Mikasa would still choose Levi. I sighed and stood up and I went to my bed.

_I don't want her to suffer anymore. I guess if I do it, her worries would be lessened. I'd take this pain, no matter how much it hurts, as long as she will be happy. I'm going to break up with her tomorrow. _

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A/N: Please leave a review. Thank you very much for reading. :) :)


	15. Happy Days with Lessons Learned

_It has been almost a year and a half when I last talked to Jean and Levi. My life from before I met both of them was really boring but it was more simple than this life I am going through right now. A week after my break up with Jean, I asked Levi to meet up with me in a café inside a mall to fix and clear the things between us._

_Our talk lasted almost half of the day. It wasn't the way we wanted to happen, but we think it is for the best. We decided to create distance between us and if fate works as we wanted it to work, we can start all over again with no hard feelings and regrets left between us. Not only that we talked about serious things, we also caught up with all the stuff we have missed with each other. It was one of the best talks that I have had with Levi. We talked as if we were both childhood friends who haven't seen nor talked to each other for 9 years._

_Despite the complications and wasted efforts, I can say that I have had the best relationship with him than I how I thought it would be. Levi made me realize that things won't go the way you really want it to be. It would either be worse or better than what you expected it to happen. He taught me that when you're in love with a friend that you know that doesn't have same feelings for you, it is either you take a risk or accept that he only sees you as a friend. And upon the acceptance, you keep your friendship. If you take a risk, always be ready on what might happen._

_Jean reminded me that there are guys out there who are willing to be hurt just to be loved by the girl of his dreams. Not only to be loved, but also just to see her happy. If you think that there are only few guys like Jean left, it is not true. It's just that you still haven't really gotten to see all of the fishes under the sea._

_I met two guys in just a year, but they both taught me tons of things. And now, I am living like a normal girl with a simple life, learning to accept what is already decided._

_I know that it has already been quite of a long time from when things got sour between me, Levi, and Jean. But despite the many days that have passed, I remember all of the things that have happened. This may be one hell of a story to tell to my future children, I suppose._

I sighed and relaxed my fingers from writing. I stood up and went down the stairs to the kitchen to get water. It's so relieving to write in a diary, I thought. I look up the wall to see the clock. It's 1 in the afternoon. I was about to get the phone to follow up with the pizza delivery when the door bell rang._ It's probably the pizza! It should be, I'm hungry!_ I hurried to the front door to get the delivery.

"Pizza Deli—" … "—very." The pizza guy stood mouth open when I opened the door.

"Y-you…?" I grabbed the paper and signed it.

"Mikasa? You live here?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh… I never knew."

"Uhm… Levi? If you don't have pizzas to deliver anymore… do you want to… share these three boxes with me…?"

He looked at the paper and smiled. "I would love to."

"Great. See you later then?" I smiled back at him.

"Of course." He went back to the motorcycle and went away.

I walked with the pizza boxes on my hands and placed two boxes in the kitchen counter and went up to our theater room. I looked at my reflection on the screen and noticed that I haven't smiled like this for a long time. It took me almost ten minutes to find good movies to watch in the afternoon. I was in the middle of setting up when the door bell rang once again. I felt my heart bump harder than normal. As I was going down the stairs, I can feel myself being happier than before. I opened the front door, and there, I saw Levi once again. I know that a year and a half already passed, but at the moment I saw him standing there again as a normal guy that I knew, it made me go back to the time that I loved him so much.

_This may be the start of my happy days,_ I thought.

"So this is how fate plays, huh?" I smiled at him.

"Probably." He smiled back and I invited him in and closed the door and I led him to where I want us to be.

**The End**

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A/N: Please do leave a review! :) Your reviews will be loooved. I am so sorry for the long wait D: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! I LOVE YOU ALL. I won't be in ff for a long while since i'll have my summer classes for the whole month of May ((damn)).

So... this fic ends here. :) I hope you had a good time reading it though i'm a beginner!


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